So what do we know about it? Well, not much, aside from the fact that it stars Viall opposite actress Vivica A. Fox (???) and is described on the Ion TV website thusly:
Okay, so I immediately have ten thousand questions, in no particular order:
1. Isn’t this kind of below Vivica A. Fox?
2. Isn’t this kind of above Nick Viall?
3. Is there anything sadder than the job title “aspiring novelist?” Like, can’t anybody just be a novelist if they write a novel? I wrote a 650,000 word Harry Potter fan fiction in high school (literally true) so like, get your shit together, Pam. I guess maybe that’s why she’s going on this cruise…
4. WTF is a Christmas cruise? A cruise that happens the week before Christmas? It must be, if the boat returns to port for Christmas, but don’t people traditionally have the week *after* Christmas off?
5. WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN THE SHIP RETURNS TO PORT FOR CHRISTMAS??!?
Real talk though, the best part of all of this is the promotional image for the show, which Ion TV released. Just look at this shit:
So like…this is literally a photoshop of a Nick Viall promotional image copy/pasted behind Vivica Fox’s headshot and a tree. Was there no point at which they could take promotional photos together? Did nobody have a phone with them on set to snap a real pic? Is this movie CGI?
Omg I hope this movie is CGI.
This marvelous monstrosity airs Saturday December 16th at 9pm so like, I will not be watching because I have a social life, but hopefully they’ll put that shit on streaming ASAP because I literally cannot go into 2018 with my pressing questions still hanging over my head.
Did this article get you in the
holiday spirit? Same. Celebrate by checking out Shop Betches’ new Bachelor tank, and let everyone know you’re ready for the most dramatic holiday season ever.